So, yesterday I spent the day thinking I might be pregnant—no, sure I was pregnant. We women do that occasionally. We become obsessed with some hunch and in minutes it’s an undeniable truth. Yesterday, I was convinced, with very little evidence, that I was having another baby. And I was terrified.
Another baby right now would be so hard—sooooooo hard.
And I kept thinking, “God, is this really what You want? Seriously?” I just couldn’t see how a baby right now could be good. And I wondered about God—about His plans for me.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what God wants for my future, and all that thinking has me no closer to anything concrete. I’ve decided that I have almost no idea what God’s going to do in my life.
I think that’s pretty scary. I like certainty.
Reading Daniel last week I came across the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. In verses 17-18 of chapter 3 they say to the king,
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
I can’t stop thinking about this.
Often famous Bible guys knew exactly what God was going to do with them. They had visions and talked to God directly. But here, I see three guys who have no idea what God’s going to do. And they serve Him anyway.
They say, “God will deliver us! But maybe He won’t. Either way, we’re cool.” Which is crazy, because if God doesn’t save them, they burn to death.
I’ve been coming back to this lesson again and again over the last few days, reminding myself that what God wants to do in my future isn’t really that important right now. What I do while I’m waiting to find out is.
I need to do what’s right and know that whatever God does or doesn’t do is good. And I need to be okay with the uncertainty.
Shadrach and the boys were okay with maybe dying. I can be okay with maybe not selling my beautiful house or maybe not moving back to New York City one day or maybe not writing a book that sells a million copies. Or maybe having another baby.